The Most Significant Relationship
Updated: Feb 8
"The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous."
I remember feeling warm and fuzzy when I heard this quote watching Sex & The City with my college roommates many years ago. It was nice to hear, but at that time, it wasn't too significant for me.
You see, the relationship you have with yourself is one of the most interesting ones I believe we have as humans. Sometimes we treat ourselves so terribly - worse than we might treat our worst enemy. We emotionally beat ourselves up. We tell ourselves "I'm not smart enough. Or pretty enough. Or skinny enough. Or successful enough." We compare ourselves to everyone else, measuring up what we are lacking, what we're missing out on, and why we are worse off. We become victims to life's consequences (that we believe we have no control over).
In the past, I went through bouts of not loving myself enough. I'd have thoughts like "Well once I have this, then I'll be happy." You could fill in the blank with: boyfriend, make more money, be 10lbs thinner, you name it. I was constantly focused on what was lacking, versus what I already had and what I was working toward. I'd beat myself up over my imperfections. I'd subconsciously compare my life (or my Facebook page) to what my friends were doing and posting on theirs. Part of the reason was because I didn't trust myself with my own inner wisdom that was inside. I didn't know that all the answers were inside of me. I also wasn't clear on what I wanted. And in those times of uncertainty, instead of welcoming life and its messiness and confusion with big open arms, I'd instead sulk into thinking I was missing out on something. Talk about not putting yourself in a high place.
In rolling up my sleeves and doing some major work on myself, I learned that I had so much more control over my thoughts and my life than I realized. Very quickly, I was able to trust myself. I got clear on what I wanted. I had a vision for my life. I stopped paying attention to everyone else and started to pour energy into my own life, my own thoughts, my own badass self. I stopped asking others what they thought about things I planned to do - and just started to take action and make my own decisions and have that confidence to do so. I looked at myself - internally and externally - and accepted my imperfections. Because I knew they made me - ME - and that's something to be excited about. Ultimately, I became my own best friend. I was the coolest, wisest, strongest, most interesting person I knew. I realized I didn't need others' praise to make me feel good. I felt good - on my own two feet. I also learned how to take others' opinions into account, yet have the confidence to make a decision even if it wasn't aligned with their idea of right or wrong.
Finally, I was treating myself with love. I was putting myself on a pedestal, and developing and working on the relationship I had with myself. And in doing this, my relationships with others became so much stronger and more fulfilling. I realized that in order for my other relationships to be right, the one with myself needed to be right.
Think about what's stopping you from a fulfilling relationship with yourself. Write down 3 ways you can start loving yourself and treating yourself better - and feel free to comment on any ideas you want to share with others below!